Jack Red presents Storyianiacs

It was a stormy night in Baltimore City where three
guys are hanging out at Jack's House when the power had
went out in the middle of one those cheesy overrated reality shows.

The place was a class a shithole studio apartment


Michael Samson said, "Oh god damnit the TV is out now what am I going to do.

Dick Vaper said, "I don't care since I did fuck some girls today."

Jack Carrington said, "Hey guys since the power is out why don't
we talk about our high school days?"

Dick Vaper said, "Now that is a stupid idea in fact this could be your worst idea yet... all that happend was we got fucked by gold diggers, the teachers got us in trouble and I got jumped by Stacy's brother."

Michael Samson said, "Well I'm still pissed we can't watch anything on TV but his idea will pass the time Dick."

Dick Vaper said, "oh fuck you asshole's I got something better to do like ummm... go play with my balls."

Michael Samson said, "Why you no good son of a bitch you're lucky I don't kick your little ass."

Dick Vaper said, "Little look down there I got a fucking cannon that fucked more girls than you so fuck off."

Jack Carrington said, "Guys stop it now I for one I want to get through the night peaceful with no missing teeth or bruises this time around... remember last month Dick gave mike a black eye."

Dick Vaper said, "That bastard started with me first what a fucking prick."

Michael Samson said, "Dick you really are an asshole you should be glad that I don't fuck you up right now!"

Dick Vaper said, "Oh I would like to see you try you mother fucker."

Michael attempts to punch Dick in the face however Jack gets in the way to stop him to throw that punch.

Jack Carrington said, "I'm trying to help past the time instead you two were going to fight each other like little children that's fucked up man, we've all had our share of bad times."

Dick Vaper said, "Who asked you jackass I for one don't want to tell a story... the past is the past leave it that way."

Michael Samson said, "Honestly I don't want to tell my story now because Dick here is doing the exact opposite of what he wants... he talking about the bad times when I for one remember so good times..."

Jack Carrington said, "Please stop fighting I didn't want you two going at it like this as I wanted to tell my story."

Dick Vaper said, "Goddamn it man your always trying to bring up shit."

Jack Carrington said, "Why are you so pissed Dick all I wanted was to past the time now I can see no one likes my idea at all if you wondered why I barely say any of my ideas this is why."

Michael Samson said, "Oh come on man you're idea was good this time around as for Dick what has he done around here? all he does is screw girls.. day after day after day."

Dick Vaper said, "Stay out of my personal life asshole... I can do whatever the fuck I want."

Jack Carrington said, "You know what I'm going to sleep because your asses wont quit fighting like a bunch of pre schoolers."

So Jack leaves the Living room to go to his bedroom to sleep farther and avoid the conflict between Dick and Michael...

They had always argued ever since Stacy Peppercorn had left Dick... maybe thats why he was such a womanizing asshole...

Jack Slams the door and yells "GOOD NIGHT FUCKHEADS"

Michael Samson said, "Now look at what you done he's going to sleep I hope you happy."

Dick Vaper said, "Not really... I just hate thinking about the past you know?"

Michael Samson said, "Well I don't see you doing a damn thing to entertain yourself until power comes back on."

Dick Vaper said, "Listen I might be an asshole it doesn't mean I don't feel what you guys feel... I mean I'm trying to think about some good times... like... that time we shove that Browers kid into that locker in the gym locker room.... that was damn funny."

Michael Samson said, "I kinda like being with Jack more since he does listen to what I say at times even when I was low on my luck he was there to listen."

Dick Vaper said, "I'm gonna go cool off for a little bit."

Michael Samson said, "Where the hell are you going at this time at night."

Dick Vaper said, "Thats none of your business Mike."

Michael Samson said, "You always have been the know it all so I don't mine you leaving in fact make sure the door does hit you in the skirt on the way out pussy.

Dick Vaper said, "What the fuck did you just say to me."

Michael Samson said, "I said don't you ever come back here unless you are willing to do stuff with us you fucking pussy."

Dick Vaper Felt an urge to punch that smart aleck Mike right in the kisser but instead he thought about his actions... Mike was right, he was always the instigator.. for once he thought "why not Let this one pass."

Dick Vaper Replied, "You Know something your right, besides I dont have anything else to do..."

Michael Samson said, "Why dont you go fuck another innocent girl?"


Dick Vaper said, "Just leave me the hell alone Michael!"

Michael Samson said, "We both know you don't care about women in fact I don't even think you know the real meaning of a relationship."

Dick Vaper said,"Spare me the Drug Store Psychology you fucking wise ass prick."

Michael Samson said, "I'm about to kick your little ass you inconsiderate fuck."

Out of no where Jack wakes up with eyes burning red as he stares down Mike and Dick.

Jack Carrington said, "Why are you two still fighting? can't both of you shut your mouths and make up?

Dick Vaper said, "He was about to try and kick my ass, now do you agree why he is doing that."

Jack Carrington said, "Well did you say anything nice when we got here I don't think so."

Michael Samson said, "Yeah throwing your little ass out the window,I would've done that with a smile on my face laughing how embaressing it would be for little Dick here."

Dick Vaper said, "Fuck you man I thought you were cool to be around I was wrong."

Jack Carrington said, "Come down guys we can handle this no one wants to go to Jail right."

Dick Vaper said, "how have things gotten so fucked up?"


Michael Samson said, "You know something we can handle this why do we need violence involved if we can solve the problem ourselves."

Jack Carrington said, "Great let's talk about it a way where no one starts throwing fist okay."

Michael Samson said, "Yeah we are adults here why are we acting like this."

Dick Vaper said, " I guess I got a little hot about a simple honest discussion... even if it does piss me off."

Michael Samson said, "Well we all have our bad days as this was one of them honestly I'm glad we finally stopped the fighting to do the talking."

Jack Carrington said, "This has given me an idea what if we can make this whole experience into a story as it told us to stop fighting it won't help the fact there's nothing to do due to the storm."

Dick Vaper said, "If we do that then I'm happy to be apart of it because I already found this to be a very interesting story."

Michael Samson said, "Surprisingly I agree with you guys this would be an interesting story as it won't from a disappointment to a horrible arguement in matter of seconds why did I need to go through that shit."

Jack Carrington said, "Since this story is kinda crazy why don't we name this story fast times at Kenwood High because it fits all the bad things altogether to make a hell of a story."

So they decide to finally start telling their stories in High School remembering the good times as they as everyone else knows reality does suck at time but there are things about it that rules.